Jamie's Blog

Tomorrow I've got trips to and from Braintree rehab to see the doctor that works on my muscle tone! I think it's been a while since I got Botox injections! I feel in my arms and shoulders mostly! I gutta remember to call "the ride" and book my trips for Tuesday! The web site is back up but Tuesday I gutta go from hics to a new podiatrist! I don't have his address in my destinations yet! So I can't book this trip online yet but if this guy gets me some relief I'll have them put it in there!

"The ride's" web site is still down! I called earlier and they were only booking trips for tomorrow! This is a major problem for this survivor cause Ive gutta stick to my routine or I may forget something! I always book my trips for the week on Sunday now I gutta remember to book my trips tomorrow for Tuesday!

I've been watching the videos I posted on fb about living with tbi and although I've seen them many times before, they make me feel lucky my brain injury didn't take more from me! It took an awful lot, great career, friends, girl I was gonna spend the rest of my life with. It left my intelligence, my ability to speak, and many other things but the loss of self is the most devastating thing and hardest to accept!

I tried calling in my trips for this week but it seems there is a major computer "F" up! They said they're only booking trips for tomorrow :(! The whole world seems to run on computers now!

"The rides" web site is down :(! I could call in my trips but I'm not sure of all the addresses! As the day goes on I'll decide what I need to do! I've gutta make my mind up before noon though! 

I lost power last night! Then it started to come back about an hour latter but only in a very few places in the apartment! Both my TV's were out, no wireless signal from any of the wireless networks in here so I figured may as well sack out for the night! It's all restored now so I can go on with my normal Sunday tasks. I'm running low on funds so I've gutta make some hard decisions on what I can do this week! Hics rec club is going to the Clam box on Wednesday for dinna and planning, I'd like to go but I really shouldn't spend the money :(! My check will get deposited a week from Tuesday, I've gutta make what little is in my account last till then, that's both checking and savings :(! Then I've got surgery this week! I've called Joanne three times and left vms, one asking the time I should schedule a return trip for then authorizing her to speak with Lissy and KJ! I'll book all the trips I can now and wait to hear about my surgery!  

I'm real happy my daughter is getting kind of involved in my medical issues :)! This makes me feel wanted,that I'm cared about, and not alone! Today I called and left a vm with my contact about my surgery saying my daughter may be calling you. Please tell her all about the surgery and answer any questions she may have! Hopefully that will get her past the privacy laws! If Lissy only lived closer I'd make her my emergency contact for everything.  I took a ride to the store today too!

I've spent all morning trying to send Lissy an email with the contact information to my surgery! Thank fb for making me sure she got it! I'm not having it until Friday but this survivor has gutta know what he's gutta do well a head of when I gutta do it! Then I can carefully plan all the steps it takes to make whatever it is successful :)! 

I sent off an email to Lissy with an attachment , the contact information to the person  (for the procedure I'm having) but I'm not sure I've got the right email address! It didn't come back so that's a good thing! It's just so hard for this brain injury survivor to process information more so when it's a lot of important information! Yesterday I also got a call back from MRC's Brockton office and they asked if I wanted to work and I naturally said yes! I explained I've had 2 job evals but she couldn't find them in her computer system! I forget the name of the person who closed my case from the Quincy office but she really kind of screwed me! I think I saved copies of the evals here just gutta find them!

Not knowing what's going on or understanding what I've gutta do to make this happen has got this tbi survivor really concerned! I know I've gutta book a trip to the ss hospital and what time I gutta be there but what time should I book a return trip? I don't have a lot of time to get my brain clear on this I'm thinking maybe I should send Lissy the contact information I received via voice mail on my land line, she wants to help and this is a great way she can! I think she said on the vm she was gonna be out of the office until Tuesday though! This is very important I understand everything about this, how long it takes so I know what time to book a return trip! I'm telling you trying to run this survivors independent life successfully is more than just one full time job, it's a career! 

This is a very confused tbi survivor! I went to another doctor today to discuss the results from my cat scan! It seems I've got a blockage in a kidney! I've got to go to ss hospital and have a procedure done! This information was coming at me so fast I couldn't process any of it :(! They said they would call and leave a vm with the date and time! They already called but I'm even more confused now! They left a number to call if I had questions, I'm gonna try to save the vm so KJ can hear it and maybe help me to understand wtf is happening!

KJ was over and we got lots done :)! We called MRC, Brockton office, and had to leave a vm. I thought I was being overcharged for my life ins. policy so we called my agent and left  a vm! Doesn't anybody answer a phone anymore? My agent called back and it seems I'm not getting oced! I'm paying close to $300 a mouth for 50,000 worth of LI coverage! I've got a renters insurance policy that costs me around $20 a month now a life insurance policy that costs around $300 a month! I'm done with insurance now!

Tomorrow KJ is making a home visit btw 8.40-9.30 am then I'm going to a different urologist cause the one I usually see is away. This is to do with the results of my kidney cat scan and the stone they found! I'm hoping he just gives me a script that will dissolve the bugger!

I forgot (go figure) the resident cook out was tonight! I would have missed it but Lisa called me from there and I got there in time for free cook out food! I also saw the pretty young lady that used to live right across the hall! She used to check up on me to make sure I was doing okay! She said tonight if I need anything, ask me!

I had hics today :)! We had one group that turned in to a problem solving group! This is where we share any problems we may be having and any survivor can comment or even come up with a solution! I took this as an opportunity to share the problem of working to get my money in my name and dissolve the trust! Ed denies ever getting the dispute order! I've tried to email the lawyer but no response or action so is was suggested to take it to district court! I've got all the messages from fb,he spoke with KJ about it so there are many people that know about this! 

I've been to get the cat scan, as I was leaving to get on my ride a worker comes out and says "you dropped your wallet, here", I just stuffed it in my back pocket and thought few! The driver gets a call on the radio asking him to make sure they gave me the right wallet so I look in my fanny pack,look in my wallet and see my master money card so I say I've got the right one! Then I get home, my land line rings it's KJ asking the same! I say yes I've got mine then I feel something in my pocket, pull it out and it's the wallet in question! Then someone from the office came and got it! Too much for this survivor to process!

Tomorrow I'm having a cat scan of my kidney done! I don't know why my pcp ordered this be done I just shrug it off as an age related thing but I need to ask more questions! Then tomorrow night it's karaoke night at hics! All my fb friends probably know I wanna do a couple Creed tunes :)!

I had hics today and there was FREE food! We had someone from MRC ( Massachusetts rehabilitation commission) speak to us about services they offer! I found out now that I live in Holbrook I'm eligible to apply for services through her (Brockton) office :)! When I lived in Scituate, the Quincy MRC office closed my case cause of no affordable transportation there! Now I can apply with the Brockton office ! That's something I'm gonna see if KJ will work with me on :)! It's not that I need the money I'm living very well on SSDI but a little extra cash never hurts :)! You'd think in today's world with everything digitized all they would have to do is call the Quincy office and get all my information sent to them digitally but I've gutta reapply for services! I don't care, if this gets me a job I enjoy its worth it! The last group of the day my favorite peer tbi! JR did the best he's ever done running peer tbi, in fact the best any staff has done! We t...

I just got an email from my cousin and he's having a bd party for his mother! She is gonna be 90 yrs young! I've just gutta make sure I save the mail cause it has his address and I already forget when it is! 

I'm screwing up big time as of late! I had an appointment to get my shots of Botox tomorrow but some how I didn't see it in my pocket calendar until it was too late to book a ride for tomorrow :(! I remember being told by hics staff if something like this happens call hics. It's too late to call now but I'll call first thing in the morning! 

I had a great ride to Wg's! The med they had for me was the one that's doing so well keeping my cholesterol level in check!

I got an email from the company I call to make a service request when something goes wrong here saying it was completed! I've yet to check and see if the elevator is fixed but if it is I'm gonna take a ride to Wg's :)!

I couldn't do the YMCA cause the elevator is out of order! I can use the stairs in the case of emergency! I would then have to ambulate around without any assistance! I've got no fear in doing this but insurance regulations at the YMCA and most places I go wouldn't permit it! Hopefully it gets fixed soon cause I still need to ride to Wg's to pick up a med and get other things! Then latter I've got Michaela coming and I don't want to have to cancel her but if it doesn't get fixed by 3pm I'm gonna have to! More things to get my anxiety going full force!  

I didn't do laundry today cause there really wasn't a whole lot to do! Tomorrow I've got the YMCA to swim laps then do my resistance training! My foot still bothers me but I've got the pool! I still believe the chlorine in the water give the body a good cleaning and maybe burn off this nasty corn! I remember when I was in my teens and had bad acne. I was working at the Weymouth YMCA and used to go in the pool a lot! That always cleared my face from all the zits! I've got an appointment on Wednesday so I've really gutta get off my asx and make it!

The elevator is out of order AGAIN! I'm not gonna be able to ride to Wg's or anywhere!:(

Email works so well for me! I was in a disagreement and I thought it was over the telephone. Then last night it came to me it was all through fb email/messenger! The great thing is it's all saved even if it's over a year! I'm memory impaired but some things seem to stick! I was sure I was right about something and thankfully it was all done on fb! I had thought I was going crazy or my brain had blown a circuit! I was able to scroll back in my fb messages and find I was 100% correct! I'm so thankful that my brain injury didn't  rob me of my intelligence cause that is very much still intact! 

I've gutta think of what to do today! I can't just get up and go! I've gutta think things through. plan every step! When I use my bike I've got to carefully plan getting it first out of my unit then getting on the elevator safely and without any damage! Then concentrate on driving safely! Then remembering where I'm going and how to get there! Do I have all I need to go wherever I'm going? My card, phone, keys! You see when your living with a traumatic brain injury these things take a lot of exhausting thought! My brain is all maxed out now with working on getting all my funds in my name now too! It's really overwhelming cause my brain can't handle a lot of information! It's the reason I can't remember what I'm going to Wg's or the store a lot of times! I've just gutta accept this is the way things are now and develop stadigeies to continue to lead a successful independent life! ...

I'm still working on getting all my funds in my name! I've worked so very hard to get my name cleared with the IRS and got life insurance to protect my family! I've even emailed my agent and asked how much more it would be to increase the death benefit from 20,000 to 100.000! After careful consideration my estate will be split three ways! Btw Kenny, Bri, and Lissy! I just hope my dispute goes through soon cause I don't have a lot of time to get that money working for me! Then my daughter is getting married and asked if I could help! I've got a solid plan for my funds! I just pray it's not too late!

My trust is gonna be dissolved and I'm gonna get the remains :)! It's said there is only around $18,000 left but most has gone to Kenny's tuition for school! It was supposed to be a loan but I guess I'm gonna have to just deduct it from his inheritance ! Lissy is gonna need help with her wedding so I'm gonna be very careful on how I invest the funds! My bank has an investment counselor so I'll talk to them first! Then take $10.000 and tuck it away in a 1yr cd! Then I'll take the rest and get shorter term cds! That way I'll be able to help Lissy! This tbi survivor knows exactly what he's doing!  

I just got a call about an appointment on the 27th I think! I had to call back cause I forgot the details and I don't have this in my pocket calendar! This is where my inability to write hurts! I booked the trip before I forgot them though, I hope it's right!

I finally got a response through fb concerning my trust! There is much less than I thought so Lissy you've got to take it real easy on me for the wedding!

I'm thinking if I should go to the YMCA or stay and get done all the other tasks I need to do! Wg's called and said they have a script ready to be picked up, I need to go to the office to sign up for the cook out here on the 27th of this month! I've gutta go there to get a dinner card. That may not sound like much but this survivor gets confused and exhausted when he's only got one task! I've been thinking about why I'm not getting cooperation with one person on the dispute of my trust, doesn't return phone calls or respond to email! I'm thinking it's a control issue! I don't live in his house anymore and that's the only way he can get any control over me! 

This survivor has too many things taking up very limited space in his brain! My foot is absolutely killing me! That is consuming a lot of space now. I couldn't even go to hics today cause I couldn't wear a sneaker for any period of time :(! I've gutta think about making it to the YMCA a full three times a week, at my age exercise is very important! It not only helps me to stay fit I believe it helps to keep cancer away! Cancer was the hardest fight I've ever been in, I don't want to go another round with that nasty disease! I do feel a sense of relief knowing I've got life insurance now in fact there was the 1st withdrawal from my account yesterday for the policy! I think it was $137, that's okay though cause I don't have to pay the IRS $377 a month anymore :)! I'm really concerned about the threats made against my family and I! I've got to just think about the positive things like my chat with Lissy the other day and how she said she trusts me :...

KJ made a home visit this morning and we did an increasingly important task! We found all the legal papers from my mother's will! This is very important cause the other jerk on the will threatened to not give me my fair portion of the sale of the family home! All cause I want to go a head with the dispute on my trust and put it all in my name! This will hurt all my kids cause they get my assets when I pass! You can hurt me but when you hurt my kids that enrages me! My plan is to take that money and have it make more money! I now have life insurance so I don't have to worry about being a burden when I pass. I want to put the money to work for me! It seems I'm gonna have to fight to get what's rightfully my family's interests!  

I couldn't do hics today cause again my foot is in great pain when I put a sneaker on it :(! I've gutta figure a way I can deal with the pain. Maybe I'll try covering it with a band aid! Tomorrow KJ makes a home visit at 9.30am then I've gutta suck up the pain and make it to the YMCA!

I got up today and started ambulating around and my foot began to cause me major discomfort! Needless to say I couldn't put a sneaker on and put more pressure on my right little toe so I can't do the YMCA today :( ! I've still got my homemaker coming at 4pm! I saved all my laundry cause this is the week Michaela does my bed sheets and I'm too thrifty to pay to do laundry twice in one week! 

This is gonna be a lazy Sunday! I've scheduled all my trips for the week over the last few days! I've just gotta keep an eye on the web site to make sure that I've got the drop offs as drop offs and the pick ups as pick ups! You see I can look at it one moment and look at them at another time and they look different! I don't know if it's the web site or my brain not processing the information correctly! At any rate this survivor has gutta employ the stadigeies I've learned over time to lead my very successful independent life :)! 

Peapod arrived with my food order! Now I've got lots of good stuff to eat :)! I got some bay scallops, there not cooked! I guess I'm gonna try breading them myself :)! I got a lot of stuff I've just gutta zap, microwave too, I'm a single man, what would you expect! 

I've got peapod delivering my monthly food order btw 11am-1pm today! There's still money left in the budget if I need another one though! I'm done with the IRS, that's $377.00 a month I don't have to pay out! This has got this survivor  doing a lot of thinking! I spoke with Lissy about my plans for MY money yesterday on fb chat and she said something that meant so much to me, after I explained my plans she said "I trust you Dad"! I guess all the time spent on the back of my Harley she got to know what deep down I'm really like! The part of my bike that keeps breaking off and it seems every week I've gutta ask KJ to super glue back has fallen again! There was just a piece of tape holding it in place! So I took the tape off and have the broke piece here! It doesn't affect the operation of my bike in any way! I think I'm gonna leave it just like this except the tail light lenses seem like they could fall off in a ride! I think I'm gonna ju...

I just got a land line from the insurance agent ! He said I got approved :)! He is gonna send me all the information in the snail mail! 

I couldn't do the YMCA today cause my foot was causing me way too much discomfort :(! The thought of wearing a sneaker and putting more pressure on it didn't seem like a smart thing! I continued my search to find life insurance! I did this using the land line and my computer! I called Met life and got turned down :)! I asked him where I can go to get some? I then googled life insurance and came up with a few links. I think I got a whole life policy from "Fidelity for $133 monthly! Everything was done electrically! I signed all the paperwork with my electronic signature! That's $20,000 worth of coverage for $133 monthly!

The elevator finally got fixed but I just rode to the store! I do have to get to Wg's though! I've got a peapod order coming Saturday btw 11-1, I think! I've still got the confirmation email so I can check to make sure. This survivor knows what he struggles with and uses strategies to live my very successful independent life :)! 

The elevator has been out of order all afternoon and still is at 5pm :(! That puts a crimp in my plans to take a ride to Wg's :(. Hopefully it gets fixed while it's still light out so I can ride to Wg's! Wait, I've got lights on my bike so even in the dark I can still go!

My foot (corn on right little toe) is absolutely killing me! I just couldn't see putting my sneaker on and creating more pressure on it so I had to cancel going to hics today :(! I've gutta force myself to wear it later cause I wanna take a ride to Wg's! I've got an order from peapod coming tomorrow btw 10am-1pm but just some things I forgot or can't wait till then! Really can't wait for flavored coffee creamer and I forgot paper plates! I've still got time to add to my order but that never seems to work out well when I've done that in the past! This tbi survivor's memory is better than or equal to most non injured people, and I'm not just saying that! I've found in my life experience I   do way better than a lot of people and I think it's cause I'm always exercising my brain!

I'm watching full house and the episode where Michelle fell off the horse is on ! She got head injured and lost her memory! At one point she says "I just want to know who I am"! That brings back so much to me! Imagine waking up and not knowing who you are! I've been through all of this and it takes a lot of strength and determination to be able to come back from! Thankfully I've got a lot of both!  

I keep getting these phone calls where a guy says "this is the federal government grant and loan dept. and you've been selected to receive a free grant" normally I'd just hang up but this time I said "this is a scam! You should be ashamed of yourself! I'm disabled and you have no right to try to take advantage of me" then hung up!

I had hics today and we did a way kewl thing, we played singo! This guy came in and we got a piece of paper with titles to various songs on it! The object of the game was to get five spaces checked off very similar to bingo! He told us the title after the song finished though! I didn't need to be told on 95% of the songs and I wish we weren't told but it still was great fun :)! I never got it but came close a number of times! I came home and I've just got this unbelievable feeling of freedom at MY place! When you've had to live at hospitals and other people's houses, don't get me wrong, living with my mother was way better than hospitals but then she passed! I remember telling my case manager about her passing and saying how scared I was cause now it's just my brother and I and I knew how difficult he is to live with! He is, I believe a very negative person which is the opposite to me! I do thank him for giving me a place to live at $650 a month but just liv...

Since I changed the font size I'm finding I not only have to scroll  up and down but right to left too! Small thing for being able to read the vibrant text! I didn't do the YMCA today cause my "the ride" account was getting low! Tomorrow my check is due, this month instead of putting $100 in it I'm gonna do $150! Today I took a ride to the store did some food shopping with peapod! Peapod is great cause I started an order and I can just add things as I think of them :)! My homemaker, Michaela was also here today! I've got hics tomorrow and we are having a pizza party :)! 

I got up this morning and fired up my puter and all the fonts were tiny! I couldn't even schedule my trips for the week cause I couldn't see what I was doing! I'm glad I know my way around a puter, I just opened my control panel and changed the font size! So today I fixed my puter, did all my laundry, made dinna! Tomorrow I gutta make it to the YMCA to swim laps then do my weights! I haven't been the last few times so I'm gonna stay at 380lbs on the leg press then if I can make it on Wednesday, Friday I'll up it to 385lb or 390! Not too bad for a 56 year young man :)!

I had so much fun yesterday it made me not wanna get out of bed this morning :)! I must take a ride to the store and get some sweetener! Splendor preferably but if they don't have it sugar will do! I went to pour some in my coffee today and used the last of both! I thought I had some little packets around here but I can't find any! I'll look again cause I'm very low on funds!   

I had so much fun on the cruise yesterday! The great thing about yesterday was I took my scooter and parked it on the deck and ambulated around the boat with no assistance! We were on the water too which means the boat rocks around a bit! This survivor never even came close to falling :)! I give the staff a lot of credit for knowing I never do anything I don't feel comfortable doing and I thank them for having faith in my abilities :). Today I've taken a ride to the store and that's about it, time now to make some dinna :)

I had a great time tonight at "the fours"! They had on the menu pastrami with Swiss cheese so that's what I got :)!We did some planning too! I'm finding it difficult to understand we were planning for September! These summer months pass by too quickly! Tomorrow I'm going on the spirit of Boston cruise! This is gonna be a FUN, FUN day! I'm gonna bring my camera so hopefully I'll get some good pics :)! 

Today KJ makes a home visit then , later in the day, I'm gonna meet hics at "the fours" in Quincy Mass for dinna! I can't do the YMCA cause of "the ride" balance issues! I find I'm getting real anxious about money!

Tomorrow I've got a dentist appointment at Lux dental in Quincy Mass! I like how everything is so high tech here! There is a big screen right in front of the dental chair and I can watch everything they do! See my x-rays too! 

My ride account is still very low and I was concerned about being able to add value on line! The thing is though I'm low on funds myself! I tried just adding $12. to my ride account online and I got it to work :)! Now I'm below $100 in my checking and only $50. in m savings! So I've gutta choose what places I need to go to and what places I can skip. I emailed Ali at the YMCA and said I'm not gonna be able to make it Wednesday and Friday! I don't like doing this but I feel I had no choice! My check is due one week from Tuesday! Now to make some dinna :)! Thankfully I've still got plenty of food!

What a complicated mess I just went through! The value I just added to my ride account never went through so I had to call and say WTF! I ended up having to go through the whole process again on the phone! That meant getting disconnected a few times and getting lost in the automated phone system :(! I've just gutta check m bank and make sure it got taken!

I've gutta do a better job on blogging yesterday has almost left my brain! I believe KJ made a home visit first then I was gonna go to the YMCA but somehow one of my trips got canceled, I don't know how but then I had to cancel the other trip! I do monitor the web site constantly, I'll just have to figure cause of my severe spastisody I inadvertently clicked the wrong button :(! That gave me plenty of time to take a ride to Wg's to get my script filled! KJ learned me how to search the web on my I phone too! I just gutta go to safari and go from there :)! Now to see if I can get all my favorites up! The only thing is remembering logon information! I try to keep everything the same, user name and password to elevate confusion but I forget if I've changed them all yet! I guess I'm gonna find out :)! Today I have no idea on what I'm gonna do! I really shouldn't spend any money so that leaves me limited options!